To say that breastfeeding and pumping are going better this time around would be an understatement. Zack is, afterall, in the 97th percentile for weight and 90th for length!
Here is Breeley at 4 months:
Here is Zack at 4 months:
Warning: This post is about breastfeeding and pumping. Please stop here if that embarrasses or offends you. This is about my family and my thoughts and experiences as a mother, so TMI does not apply. There will, however, not be any pictures. :)
Breastfeeding started out fine with Breeley but went downhill when I returned to work. I worked full-time for two months before I switched to part-time, and during that time, pumping was a constant battle and frustration. When Breeley was 5 months old I had to start supplementing with formula because she was finishing her bottles at daycare and crying for more. My milk supply wasn't keeping up with her demand. After she started eating solids at 6 months, she at least started gaining weight, but breastfeeding and pumping problems continued. At 9 months, after taking bottles for a week while Brian and I were in Jamaica, she pretty much refused to nurse. I never weaned her and don't even know when exactly she had her last feeding; it just kind of happened. I was relieved in many ways but felt like a failure. I'd planned to breastfeed for a year, and had never considered that not happening, regardless of the reasons.
With Zack, things have been TOTALLY different. So far, it's been like a textbook success story. I stocked up on Lansinoh cream, but never even needed it! Zack is at the top of the growth charts. I'm able to pump more than he even eats in a day at daycare. In fact, when I returned to work on 5/19, I had a frozen stock of 430 oz, which as of 6/10 (when I started this post), had increased to 600 oz., and as of 8/4, is now at 980! That's more than 7.5 gallons! I pump an average of 20 oz total from two pumpings at work each day (my "record" is 17 oz in one pumping!) and usually another 8 oz before I go to bed at night. With Breeley, the most I ever pumped was my first day when I returned to work, and I pumped 9 oz total. Even when I increased to three pumpings per day, I never got more than that.
So what caused the difference? I'd like to say my previous experience made me read some books and join the La Leche League, but no. I'm a bit ashamed to admit I did nothing proactively to change the situation the second time around, at least not for the breastfeeding. I don't think breastfeeding was the problem the first time. There were issues, but I think pumping was the main culprit. Babies are much more efficient than a pump, and our bodies and hormones react more naturally to a nursing infant than an electric pump. Under "normal" circumstances (i.e. no special needs or extenuating circumstances), pumping is not going to be as good as the real thing. With that said, here are some things that I did that maybe tricked my body into working better for me this time:
- I started pumping at 5-6 weeks instead of 11 weeks right before returning to work. When I had Breeley, I had several friends who ended up donating or throwing away their frozen milk because of huge surpluses. The general consensus from them was that you'll be able to pump each day what your baby is using for the next day, so you really only need enough for a day or two when you return to work. That may be true, but the problem was that my body figured out around 6 weeks what it needed to produce. I had an established milk supply much earlier than 11 weeks, and my body wasn't fooled when I introduced an unnatural pump to the equation. When I didn't pump as much as I'd expected those first few days and quickly went through my freezer supply, I started to panic and become frustrated, and things went downhill from there. Even if I end up donating or, heaven forbid, throwing away frozen milk, it's worth it just to take off the pressure of needing to pump a certain amount each day. (I've vowed not to throw it away, however, even if I have to sneak it into some brownies or Breeley's cereal!)
- For my first 8 weeks of pumping (6 weeks at home and first 2 back at work), I had the hospital-grade Medela Lactina pump. I got to use it free for 2 months because of my participation in a breastfeeding and allergy study. With Breeley, I'd bought the Medela Pump in Style, a top-of-the-line pump with great reviews and features. After returning the the Lactina, I definitely notice a difference in efficiency and output. I couldn't really justify $17/week to keep the Lactina, especially when I already have a $300 pump, but it was great to have the hospital-grade pump as my body was adjusting to pumping and establishing a good supply.
- I met with a lactation consultant for a pump consultation. She tested my pump and made sure all the parts were working properly. We also talked about technique and potential problems. If anything, it provided reassurance for some of my fears and made it so I can't question the functioning of the pump itself. I was always worried about that before but didn't know what to do about it. I really wish I'd talked with a lactation consultant when I had all the trouble with Breeley.
Of course, it also helps that this is my second time around and I had experience behind me. More than anything, that has given me confidence. Breastfeeding is a natural body process, so it seems like it should be easy, but it's not. As I've seen, every child and every experience can be different, and it doesn't always go smoothly and naturally. Thankfully there are a ton of resources out there, including a great website at kellymom.com. I’ve counted a lot on my more experienced mother friends and it has helped to have someone to talk to. Afterall, lactation and pumping aren't exactly topics that just anyone is comfortable discussing!
Although pregnant and new mothers are constantly bombarded with information about how breastfeeding is best for baby, it still seems taboo in the public eye, mostly from people who never breastfed or even have children. Actually, I should clarify: I think most people are fine with it, as long as it is done in your own home and they never have to see it or hear about it. This feeling has grown over time. With Breeley, I never thought twice about breastfeeding in public. I've always subscribed to the feed-on-demand method, so if we happened to be out and about and she was screaming, I fed my hungry baby. I covered with a blanket, but I did not go to the car, rush home, or hide in a bathroom stall. No one ever said anything to me, but occasionally I've seen news clips where women have been asked to leave, etc. Recent conversations with two people I'm close to--women who do not have children but who I would have thought felt differently--confirmed that many people find it "inappropriate" to breastfeed in public, no matter how discrete you are. This has made me much more self-conscious about it than I ever was with Breeley, and I find myself often taking a bottle (of pumped milk) with us when we go on extended public outings. Luckily, Zack (aka best baby ever) will take a bottle at any temperature. Although I hate to admit that I'm conforming, it is actually sometimes more convenient because we don't have to delay what we're doing for me to feed him; he can be fed while we're driving or from his stroller.
Having two kids has made me realize the inconvenience of infant feeding. It is difficult to have to feed a baby every few hours when a needy toddler is pulling you in other directions. It's also not possible (or at least not fair) to stay home all the time. Zack is patient and efficient/quick (again, best baby ever), but I still find myself dreaming about being done with breastfeeding and on to a normal feeding schedule. (I'm not even thinking of mid-night feedings. Zack has slept through the night since about 9 weeks.) I love nursing for many reasons, and DEFINITELY prefer it over the alternative, especially since if I used formula/bottles I'd still have to mix, heat, and feed, but pumping adds another complicated step to the infant feeding matrix.
I can see why many women give up breastfeeding when they return to work. Pumping is HARD. Besides potential difficulties already mentioned, it is not convenient and you feel strange exposing yourself at the office (obviously in private). Two stories:
I share an office, but I've been super lucky because the person in the office next to mine was on maternity leave and her office has been empty until this week. However, on my
first day back to work, my officemate was out, so I pumped at my desk so I wouldn't have to boot up another computer, etc. The problem is that the offices on my floor are all connected so people regularly walk through, and one of the doors to my office doesn't lock from my side. My floor is all-female and I'm pretty open about my pumping needs, so I figured a sign that said "Do Not Enter" would suffice. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to stop the maintenance men who came to fix our air unit! Luckily, they came in the door behind me, so they didn't see anything. They accusingly asked what I was doing and why they couldn't come in. You should see how fast 50-year-old, red-faced men move when you say, "Because I'm a breastfeeding mother and I'm pumping right now!" The next day, after having three people pound on the *locked* door of the adjoining office, trying to walk through, I made a more explicit sign: "PUMPING IN PROGRESS. DO NOT ENTER." I haven't gotten as much as a knock since then! (I refrained from using some clever coworkers' suggestion of "Woman Working. Do Not Enter Without Protective Eyewear.")
Not having my own office is only part of the inconvenience of pumping. I don't exactly felt comfortable telling my colleagues that I'm unable to meet at a certain time because it interferes with my pumping schedule, especially since the three people I meet with most are all male! Therefore, I suffer in silence and sometimes end up skipping my afternoon pumping. (With Breeley, this would be detrimental to milk supply and stock.) But what do you do when your office schedules a 2-day retreat in a building completely across campus? In my case, I had to inform my male supervisor (embarrassing), arrange to use the nursing lounge in the other building (I got super lucky on this one--USC has a great program with 3 lactation rooms across campus, and one of them happened to be in the building where the retreat was being held), then pick up the key to the nursing lounge (which ended up being the most difficult of the steps due to an office that closed early after I took great lengths to get there, including incurring a late fee for a parking ticket that was due the same day...grrr). So I thought I had it all figured out until I got all set up in the nursing lounge on Retreat Day 1 and realized I was missing a part to my breast pump! Of course, this was the first time I'd ever done this, but it meant my 30-minute absence from the retreat turned into two hours! So then I had to explain that to my male supervisor (embarrassing). Retreat Day 2 consisted of a scavenger hunt of sorts then several building tours on the opposite end of campus, so, rather than carry my breastpump all over campus with me, that day consisted of a lot of walking, one hour away from my group, and only one pumping (low producing due to heat/dehydration). See why I said I understand why many working women give up on breastfeeding/pumping?
Lucky for Zack and Breeley (and me?), I'm not one of those women. I am definitely 100% PRO breastfeeding. I think breastfeeding is best, by far. Considering the mounds of evidence about the benefits of breastfeeding, I don't understand women who easily give up on (or never try) breastfeeding. I recognize there are valid insurmountable obstacles and extenuating circumstances, but I think these are the exception rather than the norm, despite the many excuses you hear from non-breastfeeding mothers. In addition to the pumping and low supply issues I've already mentioned (which led to my "failure" the first time around), among other things, I've dealt with fast let-down, transfer problems, and aversion issues with Breeley, and have already had a plugged duct and (mild) mastitis with Zack, which has impacted my supply in the weeks since. He's also teething and starting to bite--ouch!! "Lucky" for me, these are "normal" breastfeeding issues. I greatly admire women who deal with special diets, protein intolerance and allergies, and overcome even more severe problems. I know these women mean it when they say they'd do anything for their children.
I know this post is super long, but it's about my experience and I've included things I've been thinking about for a while. I've actually revisited it and added to it several times in the last 2 months. I wanted to put all of this in one post so as not to have to embarrass my male and/or non-mom readers more than once, and so I have a record for myself. Considering how much time I spend in these activities, I guess a long post is appropriate and consistent with the time it takes from my daily schedule!
UPDATE as of 8/18: I've pretty much cut out my evening pumping. Our freezer couldn't hold anymore! Zack has had a sporadic schedule lately (it's hard to tell exactly what's going on since I can't measure how much he's eating), and I have noticed a drop in how much I'm pumping. Luckily, I have a huge stock so I'm positive we'll make it to 6 months when we start solids, and confident I'll make it a full year this time without supplementing with formula. I'm so thankful for how it's worked out this time around!
